carnelian

[dramatispersonae]

You find yourself in a beautiful red room, the edges of each wall adorned with real gold accents. At the center of the room is a long table, several chairs on either side of it, perfect for very serious conferences. In the middle of the table is a plate of strawberry jam tarts atop it, one per teammate present.

In the corner of the room is a hole in the ground, only large enough for a small animal to fit through. Next to it is a flat iron bar, curled at its tip, where a golden bell has been hung from it.

Finally, on one wall is a large poster which reads (or you find read aloud to you, if you cannot read):

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses and all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again

Comments

[crusthatecean]

Good. That still leaves us with having to decide what to do with this idiot.

[antreegonist]

Ugh, maybe everyone involved should be made to take a common sense exam.

[crusthatecean]

I wouldn't be against that.

I think we need to know what the law was that he didn't want to break, and what the punishment was for breaking it. If it was just something small, letting someone else nearly die over it seems at least like some sort of crime.

[antreegonist]

Yeah. Why is there a law like that in the first place...

[crusthatecean]

This just in! Humpty Dumpty is best friends with the king, let's all pretend to be incredibly shocked by this development.

So this highbrow moron decided to go break the law himself, on punishment of death, but surprise, he doesn't seem to be up for execution over it! Instead, it's his bodyguard, who decided he'd rather not risk execution over his moronic boss, thank you very much, that has to face being killed.

I don't know about you, but I think Humpty Dumpty took his own fucking chances. He's the only one who committed a crime.

[antreegonist]

Nothing says we can't sentence Humpty for being a moron, then. Maybe the bodyguard's punishment can be 'you're fired, find a boss who makes actual sense.'

[crusthatecean]

Yeah. Okay, I agree with that. The crime here was sitting up on a wall with your thumbs up your ass like a snobby douche to whom the law doesn't apply, and the punishment is that the law fucking applies after all, and you're on your own if you fall off.

But sure, we might as well tell our bodyguard he's fired. With severance pay.

[antreegonist]

I like it.

[crusthatecean]

Good. I think we're getting somewhere.