dramatispersonae | Group One

Group One

[ Your group has suddenly appeared on a beautiful deserted island:

Before going any further, you may want to consult your map. ]

The sled was named Rosebud. Bruce Willis was dead all along. Soylent Green was made of people. Kristin Shepard shot J.R. and Verbal Kint was Keyser Soze all along.

[ Congratulations, there is now a bottle of rum in your arms.

You can now move on. Will you follow the map? ]

[ Quietly attempts to yank the bottle of rum from your underaged arms. ]

[YOUTH ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY MOTHERFUCKER ITS MY RUM]

[ Exasperated. ]

Boy.

[ trying to get the top off!!!! ]

Man.

Your conduct is unbecoming and will shortly deteriorate.

Hey, ever think he's doing this just because you're being a jerk? Let's get a move on.

[ He's doing this because he's thirteen and a moron, so that's not worth justifying with a verbal response. ]

What? Can't defend your actions?

Whatever, let's go.

[ Has gotten that too many times for it to be effective. Ignoring you and concentrating on Dave's poor choices. ]

I'm the rum holder, that makes me the leader of this expedition, and I was told there would be some goddamn treasure at the end of this Sausage Parade.

[finally gets the top off wow. BOLDLY TAKING GULP.]

[choking]