Game 52: Citrine

[dramatispersonae]

[ You're in the middle of an empty field, save for your team and a table large enough to seat everyone. On the table are pen and paper, as well as a small black box. The box itself has an area covered with wire mesh and a large red button on it labeled "Record". As you settle in, a voice seems to come out of nowhere: ]

Today, we're here to test your wilderness survival skills. Are you ready?

(OOC: Each situation is both read aloud and can be found written on a piece of paper on the table. Answers can be written or spoken into the recorder.)

Comments

SITUATION ONE

[dramatispersonae]

A normal human male who has not jerked off in two weeks, but is looking quite fetching in his kilt, sports shoes, and sweater, has just been spotted by a pack of werecamels. They begin circling around her, looking very hungry. If you were this completely normal human, how would you escape from the werecamels intact?

DISCUSS

[dramatispersonae]

Re: DISCUSS

[mythlology]

Come on!

Re: DISCUSS

[quercusoptima]

... well, that's certainly.

Something.

Re: DISCUSS

[lightmyfire]

What the fuck does that have to do with it?

Re: DISCUSS

[mythlology]

… Okay, I’ve got this one.

Monsters hunt by smell. What smells most? Shoes. Normal human dude throws both of them down a werecamel’s throat and they tear each other apart for his reeking sneakers.

I am one-hundred percent certain this is how monster killing works.

Re: DISCUSS

[youhadmefromhello]

What's jerkin' off?

ANSWER

[dramatispersonae]

Re: ANSWER

[mythlology]

There’s something to always keep in mind with monsters: they hunt by smell, and they will smell you out. But even a normal human being who might be a guy or a girl can use that against them. See, powerful smells can cover up normal smells -- think leftover pizza covering a year-old air pine-tree shaped air freshener. There’s something to always keep in mind with normal humans, too. Their shoes really, really stink. Like, “cover everything else up” stink.

So the normal human throws both his sneakers down a werecamel’s throat. Normal human hopes the werecamel chokes, and runs up a tree while the other werecamels go after the shoe smell and tear each other apart.

SITUATION TWO

[dramatispersonae]

As a young, fully human girl skips through the woods, she hears something ominous above her. She is equipped with a jumping rope, a snuggie, a fountain pen, and one large condom. Plan a way for her to escape from the One Winged Hippo alive.

DISCUSS

[dramatispersonae]

Re: DISCUSS

[quercusoptima]

. . .

Re: DISCUSS

[lightmyfire]

Uh... I didn't know one-winged hippos had music. Did that happen after the last game?

Re: DISCUSS

[youhadmefromhello]

..............

Re: DISCUSS

[mythlology]

Use the jump rope to lasso the hippo, then shimmy up the rope until she can climb on the hippo's back. She squirts ink from the fountain pen into its eyes, then uses the snuggie as a parachute to land safely while the hippo crash lands from blindness.

Then she throws the condom at the Persona running the game, because it was totally useless.

ANSWER

[dramatispersonae]

SITUATION THREE

[dramatispersonae]

An older human male wanders too close to the pitcher roses. They begin strangling him and pulling him closer to the "petals", which are actually tongues surrounding a central spiral of teeth. The older man has chewing gum, two melons, one lilac dress, fishnet stockings, and black stiletto heels with him. How can he escape with at least 90% of his body intact?

DISCUSS

[dramatispersonae]

ANSWER

[dramatispersonae]

PICK YOUR CHAMPION

[dramatispersonae]

Team, please choose one of your members to represent you in the final challenge of this game.

DISCUSS

[dramatispersonae]

ANSWER

[dramatispersonae]

FINAL CHALLENGE

[dramatispersonae]

CHALLENGER

[dramatispersonae]

[ Goku now alone in the field and looking quite fetching in a kilt, sports shoes, and sweater. No comment on how long it's been since you've jerked off . . . but more importantly, you've just been spotted by a pack of werecamels. They begin circling around you, looking very hungry. ]

AUDIENCE

[dramatispersonae]

[ Oh look, the center of the table has become a screen where you can watch what's happening to your teammate. Enjoy the show! ]