Game 52: Ruby

[dramatispersonae]

[ You're in the middle of an empty field, save for your team and a table large enough to seat everyone. On the table are pen and paper, as well as a small black box. The box itself has an area covered with wire mesh and a large red button on it labeled "Record". As you settle in, a voice seems to come out of nowhere: ]

Today, we're here to test your wilderness survival skills. Are you ready?

(OOC: Each situation is both read aloud and can be found written on a piece of paper on the table. Answers can be written or spoken into the recorder.)

Comments

SITUATION ONE

[dramatispersonae]

A normal human male who has not jerked off in two weeks, but is looking quite fetching in his kilt, sports shoes, and sweater, has just been spotted by a pack of werecamels. They begin circling around her, looking very hungry. If you were this completely normal human, how would you escape from the werecamels intact?

DISCUSS

[dramatispersonae]

Re: SITUATION ONE

[edgeofjustice]

... Is this a leading question?

ANSWER

[dramatispersonae]

Re: ANSWER

[heliokleptic]

[RECORDING CUZ LUKE IS LE LAZY]

Uh, since it sounds like there are two of them, the one who is on the outside of the circle should sneak up and kick a couple of the werecamels in the ass, and then they both run to the nearest tree and climb it and stay there until the monsters go.

SITUATION TWO

[dramatispersonae]

As a young, fully human girl skips through the woods, she hears something ominous above her. She is equipped with a jumping rope, a snuggie, a fountain pen, and one large condom. Plan a way for her to escape from the One Winged Hippo alive.

DISCUSS

[dramatispersonae]

Re: DISCUSS

[brotagonist]

. . . maybe the answer he's looking for is "don't be these people."

Re: DISCUSS

[heliokleptic]

What's with these questions... who is just carrying that stuff around??

Re: DISCUSS

[righthandsmoke]

[COMIN' IN LATE]

. . . What the fuck is this?

ANSWER

[dramatispersonae]

Re: ANSWER

[heliokleptic]

[RECORDING]

Our plan is to not let someone go out at dusk unarmed like an idiot in the first place.

SITUATION THREE

[dramatispersonae]

An older human male wanders too close to the pitcher roses. They begin strangling him and pulling him closer to the "petals", which are actually tongues surrounding a central spiral of teeth. The older man has chewing gum, two melons, one lilac dress, fishnet stockings, and black stiletto heels with him. How can he escape with at least 90% of his body intact?

DISCUSS

[dramatispersonae]

Re: DISCUSS

[righthandsmoke]

. . . What the hell are fishnet stockings and stiletto heels?

Re: DISCUSS

[heliokleptic]

...are there really pitcher roses?

ANSWER

[dramatispersonae]

Re: ANSWER

[heliokleptic]

This one is even dumber than the last one. I guess if he is really lucky someone will show up and save him. But if not when his team revives him maybe he'll learn not go out without a weapon.

PICK YOUR CHAMPION

[dramatispersonae]

Team, please choose one of your members to represent you in the final challenge of this game.

DISCUSS

[dramatispersonae]

Re: DISCUSS

[righthandsmoke]

. . . [LOOKS AT KNIGHTS]

ANSWER

[dramatispersonae]

FINAL CHALLENGE

[dramatispersonae]

CHALLENGER

[dramatispersonae]

[ Yuri is now alone in the field and looking quite fetching in a kilt, sports shoes, and sweater. No comment on how long it's been since you've jerked off . . . but more importantly, you've just been spotted by a pack of werecamels. They begin circling around you, looking very hungry. ]

AUDIENCE

[dramatispersonae]

[ Oh look, the center of the table has become a screen where you can watch what's happening to your teammate. Enjoy the show! ]