DREAM GAME ENDGAME

[dramatispersonae]

[ The black door slams shut and there's a hiss and a screech.

:3c but at least that is over with hm?

IF YOU DIED YOU ARE REVIVED AND IF YOU ARE HURT YOU ARE HEALED yyaaaayy ]

Comments

[forthefonofit]

What made you decide that the choices you would make were ones you couldn't place your faith in, so to speak? Because they could turn out to be the incorrect choices?

[unfortunateson]

. . . Yes. Because they so often have gone wrong. And because I have been criticized so harshly for making them. It was so easy, in the beginning. I believed I was doing my best by Ruby. And things worked out. But now . . . I feel I cannot do anything for anyone. And if I do not even try, I feel like I have failed them.

[forthefonofit]

Do you choose to live for the sake of others, then?

[unfortunateson]

. . . No . . . yes . . .

I--I cannot lack worth--that is what Major Hyuuga told me. If I do not assign myself worth, nothing I desire will answer to me any longer.

I can only--support others if I am not living entirely for their sake.

[forthefonofit]

Then besides others, what is the most important to you yourself? Or is it as you said before, having a strong heart, and to hold true to yourself without wavering?

[unfortunateson]

. . . Yes. It is. To stand on my own feet and face myself without flinching.

[forthefonofit]

And what makes you flinch?

[unfortunateson]

. . . When I am as unsure as I have been. And when I am not--useful.

[forthefonofit]

What would make you more confident in yourself?

[unfortunateson]

If I were not constantly doing the wrong thing . . . ! And if I--when I do the wrong thing--if I did not feel so crushed, as if I have let everyone down . . . rather than learning from it . . . I only feel depressed, and uncertain, and paralyzed.

[forthefonofit]

You certainly have the time to think about it now before you make some other decision. What have you learned so far? Or rather what can you learn from your past mistakes?

[unfortunateson]

That is the thing . . . I am not sure . . .

It seems that every time I attempt to meddle in things, it goes wrong. But only more recently. I--did good in the past, for Ruby, I think. And for others. And I can't bring myself to do nothing.

I remembered more of my job, at home. I was so good at it.

[forthefonofit]

I imagine your job in the past was vastly different than it is now. Start one-by-one rather than lumping everything together.

[unfortunateson]

I am not always so sure it was . . .

But--perhaps.

[forthefonofit]

It's fine to look back in the past, but occupying yourself with it on a regular basis will weigh you down. You're not the you that you were in the past. Simply arriving here has changed all that. What has the you that's right here done?

[unfortunateson]

Done well or done poorly?

[forthefonofit]

They're both you. [shrugs] Even the things that you've done correct are things you learn from, not just mistakes.

[unfortunateson]

What have I done . . . what a question . . .

I have--I have killed people. And I have saved people. And I have helped them, and hurt them . . . I have done my best to support and understand them . . . and for myself . . . I have--changed so much. I've tried to find a place for myself, mostly. And I've made--many friends. As I wished, when I was young. [ha ha] But I have hurt myself all the same.

[forthefonofit]

Was it worth it?

[unfortunateson]

[without hesitation] Yes. I cannot regret all that's happened . . . I've been--happy, much of the time.

[forthefonofit]

[nods] You can't please everyone involved when you make a decision. But as long as you put one hundred percent of yourself into every important decision, even if it is the wrong one in the end, at least you did the best you could at every chance you had.

Living without regret means making decisions, taking chances, and accepting the burden that comes with them. It doesn't mean never making mistakes.

[unfortunateson]

I . . .

[sighs, leaning on harder take it like a man]

. . . I know, but I had lost sight of it . . .

[forthefonofit]

[sways a little, but lets it happen, inward sigh]

If you died today, what would you regret not ever having done?

[unfortunateson]

--Everything I may have the chance to do in the future.

[forthefonofit]

Oh to be young again.