Shinji's Heart

[dramatispersonae]

You plunge into a thick and viscous liquid. It's all around you—filling your ears, your nose, your mouth. It smells like blood. It tastes like blood. But you're not drowning. Instead, you find each breath coming easily. It feels . . . calming. Familiar. And you drift . . .

who are you?
The thought strikes you—a message, from somewhere? But you're alone here. Here? W̳̜̹̼̲̱͕h̠̬͉̘̹̰͚e̯̳̯r̜̩̟͉e̯̜̳ ͍i̟͉͚̱̜s̪͓ ̝h̝̮e͕re?̠ W̙͕͉͉͍ͅh̤̯a̫͉̬͕͖t̮̩ ͈w̖̼̙̙̙̜a̫̩̪s̺ ̭̤̣t̳̲̩͈͔ͅhe̗ ̦̥qu͈ͅe͔̟̻sti̥̘͍̫͚ͅọ̠͇͍͕̦̠n̬̬̹͓̦͓?͎̮ ̣̲͚̫͔̪W̦h̭͉̙͞o̢̘̦̺͚͕̠̞ ̦̜a̤̳͉̩̩̖͟r͇e͙͜ ͎̹̜.͏ .͕͇͍͓̮͠ .̟̲͉̼̲ͅͅ ̱̠̞y͍͈o̞̙̹͍͠u̶̙̖? ̹̙Ẃ͔̰͔̪ͅh͉̼͍o̖̲͍͜ ̕am̘ ͇̬̝͉̹.̩͍͉̳̝ ̩̬̭͜.҉͎ ̭͓̹̰͍.͇̺̼̯̲̳ ̻͈͕̞̜I̵̥̥͚͔̬?͇͍̗̦̤̝


There is a deep sense of uncertainty. But the world seems to be slowly reforming around you. You can make out the edge of your own fingers (. . . or tentacles), drifting. Ah—they're attached to you. That's good. You have a body. Yes, you remember . . .

who are you?
The thought comes again. Is that a woman's voice? . . . should you answer . . .? Or should you just drift . . . It's safe here, and you don't have to think about anything. You don't have to be anything.

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[dramatispersonae]

> I'm afraid of being hated.

[fourthsaken]

... I know that feeling.

[dramatispersonae]

[There is a sickening feeling like being hooked in the back of your gut, jerking you back into a heavy darkness. It's cold, and you're alone—completely alone. It's almost a welcome sensation when you feel cold metal wrapping around your wrists.]

Click.

[Around your neck.]

Click.

[You're suspended on your back, but up above you see—like a fuzzy image projected from an out-of-focus movie theatre—]

[dramatispersonae]

[Shinji, dressed in a medical gown and wearing a metal collar, is sitting on a single chair incide a glass-walled cell.]

Sakura: Specimen BM03. Tentative Name: Ikari Shinji-san. The vice-captain would like to speak with you.
Shinji: That's Eva-01...?
Ritsuko: Yes. Eva-01 is currently being used as the main engine of this ship. It follows that we don't need a pilot.
Shinji: It really is true, then.
Ritsuko: Also, your deep sync test results are in. Your sync rate is 0.00%. Even if you were to get in the Eva, it wouldn't activate.
Sakura: There we go! Isn't that great, Ikari-san?
Ritsuko: Still, we cannot overlook the fact that the unit suddenly entered an Awakened state for twelve seconds earlier. As a result, we've installed the DSS Choker on you.
Shinji: What is this?
Ritsuko: Insurance for us.
Ritsuko: It's a physical safety device that prevents Awakenings. It symbolizes both your punishment, and our mistrust in you.
Shinji: What do you mean?
Ritsuko: Should you succumb to your emotions while piloting an Eva, and the risk of Awakening becomes too great to avoid, this will intervene by terminating your life.
Shinji: Does that mean... I'll die?
Ritsuko: I won't deny that.
Shinji: No way… Misato-san, what's the meaning of this? I'll die? It doesn't make sense, Misato-san! How'd things suddenly end up this way? It's ridiculous!
Ritsuko: I can't blame you for being confused. Lieutenant?
Sakura: Yes, ma'am?
Ritsuko: Tell him your name and rank.
Sakura: Yes, ma'am! Um, I know this introduction comes late, but I'm your assigned medical officer, Lt. Suzuhara Sakura. Nice to meet you.
Shinji: Ah, same. Wait, "Suzuhara"? Are you Toji's...?
Sakura: That's right. Thank you for being friends with my brother. I'm his younger sister, Sakura.
Shinji: Younger sister? Don't you mean older?
Sakura: No, younger.
Shinji: Younger...? How?
Asuka: Fourteen years have passed since then, stupid Shinji.

[Asuka barges into the room.]

Shinji: Huh? A-Asuka! Thank goodness! You really are okay, Asuka!
Asuka: It's no good. I can't stop myself. I've been holding it in all these years.

[She punches the glass hard enough to crack it.]


Shinji: What was that for?
Asuka: Pent-up anger and grief.

[fourthsaken]

--Shinji! Let him go!

[dramatispersonae]

[A girl drops down next to you with a little laugh, crouching, arms resting on her knees.]


"Worried about Puppy-boy? It's okay~ ♪ He didn't stay there for long. Now, you, you're in a bit of trouble, aren't you?"

[fourthsaken]

I'm used to this kind of shit. Where's Shinji?

[dramatispersonae]

"Who knows? Probably hiding somewhere. I mean, wouldn't you?"

[fourthsaken]

I can see why he'd wanna hide from you.

[dramatispersonae]

"Whaaat? And here I was just trying to help."

[She shrugs, obviously not taking it too personally.]

"And what do you wanna do?"

[fourthsaken]

I wanna know where Shinji is.

[dramatispersonae]

"Yeah, yeah." Mari rocks back on her heels.

"Probably he doesn't even know where he is! He's that kinda guy. He probably doesn't know if he wants to see you or not. He's probably locked away somewhere. So how do you convince him to come out?"

[fourthsaken]

I wanna tell him he doesn't have to be alone. We don't hate him. I definitely don't hate him.

[dramatispersonae]

"How well do you know him?" Mari points out. "That's what he's thinking."

[fourthsaken]

... I'm still getting to know him, but I know enough to know I'd never hate him.

[dramatispersonae]

Mari leans forward, fiddling around and prying the manacles apart to let Lyra go. "You'll have to prove that to him, I think. He's a bit dense, Puppy-boy."

[fourthsaken]

[shaking out her wrists and backing away from her]

Show me where he is and I will.

[dramatispersonae]

"Sor~ry~ I don't know!"

[Mari leans back with a grin as you drop back, like a trapdoor has been opened underneath you.]

[You fall back fast, but land hard in the Ring, silver ripples blossoming wherever you step. A low mist covers the ground, obscuring the trees in the distance, black and slightly twisted. It's Aather, but it's quiet, lit with a soft white glow that seems to be drifting from the mist itself, rather than any glowing orbs.

It also seems to be—not quite right. The trees are a little too two-dimensional if you catch a glance at them out of the corner of your eye, flat. You occasionally feel al little tug now and then, as well—like there's something attached to your fingertips, looped into hooks in your back, jerking you around.

You can try to find your way back to the living areas, or detour up along the stream towards the waterfalls.]

[fourthsaken]

[glancing around anxiously, getting a good look at the Ring and mentally noting differences.

after a moment she decides to head up along the stream toward the waterfalls.]

[dramatispersonae]

[The mist has cleared a little, as you approach the stream. You can see the waterfalls in the distance, and above it, the sky is clear—you can see the stars, at least a little, where you can't from down here, in the fog.

You try make your way upstream, but it seems like for every step you take forward you end up two steps back from the way you came. You'd like to go to the waterfalls—you're longing for it—but your feet won't take you there. Not like you are now.

There's a loud splash to one side—if you look, there are words splattered up the trunk of one tree:]

am I allowed to be happy?

[fourthsaken]

[crouching down to read the trunk of the tree and looking for a stick or something on the ground...]

[dramatispersonae]

[There are some things dangling from the tree branch, looped around it. You see—an old cassette tape player, strung up by its headphones; a silver Aather key dangling from its chain; a glass key with a crack through it; a set of bandages fluttering in the wind. A small Turquoise pin glitters on the ground. There are plenty of sticks and so on that you could use to write with.]

[fourthsaken]

[she's going to dip a stick into the water and write "yes" just below the question]

[dramatispersonae]

[It sinks into the ground, but the outline of the word stays there.]

[fourthsaken]

[looking over the items in the tree again]

... Where's your Amethyst pin?