RUBY

[dramatispersonae]

You sit on the other side of the stage now, in an auditorium full of cracked and dusty stone chairs. It's cold and uncomfortable, but the stage before you still commands your attention, with the curtains now drawn back and shadows flickering upon it.

Comments

ROUND ONE

[dramatispersonae]

You are one half of a story to be played out today: either a hero or a monster. You must invent a backstory, motivation, set of powers, and anything else necessary for your monster or hero to defeat its opponent. Both consistency and creativity will be factored into scoring; for best results, tie their powers into their archetype as well as the backstory and motivation you give them.

ASSIGNMENT

[dramatispersonae]

"Every year, the Dragon comes to terrorize the village. This time, a Knight has been sent to slay it."

You will be designing The Knight. Sapphire will be designing The Dragon.

DISCUSSION

[dramatispersonae]

 

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

[GUESS WHO LOVES STORY TELLING.]

Hand me the metaphorical quill! Let's get started!

Re: DISCUSSION

[axeboyfriend]

You look excited.

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

I'm burning with ideas! Sapphire won't know what hits them! We'll attack them where it hurts!

Re: DISCUSSION

[axeboyfriend]

[ He laughs a little. ]

Alright then, where do you want to start?

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

They're prudes, so we must include flatulence! Crude humor always takes the cake.

Re: DISCUSSION

[heroicsacrifeyes]

Ooh, Loki's all fired up!

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

Such is the way of these games. Now, designing a great hero to triumph over the nefarious Sapphire team ...

Re: DISCUSSION

[heroicsacrifeyes]

We've already got the advantage over them of being cooler. Our hero needs to be a super high level one.

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

Aye, so I agree. We'll need to utilize their faults with our strengths. They're terribly prude. Did you know that? Something nefarious within the confines of that sort of scheming ...

Surprise butts!

SUBMISSION

[dramatispersonae]

 

Re: SUBMISSION

[badnewsboy]

Onceuponatime—as most of these stories begin—there was a knight who lived, er ... well. Shall we say that this knight lived in a quaint little town and/or village that was full of a variety of fine occupants. It was a small town, appropriately named Broxton, Oklahama, in the realm of Midgard! There was Joe's Eatery, which made the best cup of coffee this side of the Mississippi, as well as the fine purveyor of the shaken milk. Erm, so! This fine knight grew up as so many knights of the time did, frolicking with the mortals and aiding them in their daily lives. Ever since he was young, this hero was quite the charmer! Though he wasn't as handsome as one would think (his nose was a bit flat, his legs like two tree stumps, and his chest so hairy that it wasn't unlike a grassy field protruding from his shirt), he was well-liked. He learned to fight by trying to aid those that were in need of help, and frequently carried around a massive hammer, which he used to both build and tear down anything that was in his path!

This mighty hero of ours did hold a dark secret. Ever since he was a child, he had a problem with smelly gas. That's right, he could clear a room in point eight, flat! It was particularly a problem after large meals, where the fellow knight would consume large quantities of gaseous vegetables and several fowl.

Despite his terrible secret, he became the protector of Broxton, clever, witty, a bit homely, but oh so very charming! He made friends with everyone near him. They were all very taken with him. It was very good, since whenever he'd let one "slip," he'd, er ... blame it on the person standing beside him with a hearty bellow of "adios, asshole!"

It was something he never did face fully, but something else was very certain, he knew from the bottom of his knightly heart that true prosperity is made with those around you.

Re: SUBMISSION

[dramatispersonae]

The shadows on stage flicker and follow your cue (congratulations, now you've seen a shadow fart)...then fade for the time being.

A pot of tea and some cups appear for you to refresh yourselves with.

ROUND TWO

[dramatispersonae]

The players in this show have been created! Now it's time to plan your attack. You can see what your opponents designed; give an explanation of how your hero or monster attacks it.

OPPONENT

[dramatispersonae]

Ages ago, a woman captivated by the allure of dark magic was cast out of her home village. In her time away, she nursed both her grudge and her skills, and taught herself even to tame dragons. Soon, she returned - in order to send her strongest dragon, imbued with her own power, to wreak havoc on the hometown which had rejected her.

This dragon is immense enough to crush its adversaries with its weight alone. Only its own powerful wings can carry it. This hinders its movements, especially in smaller spaces, but unless matched against a particularly agile opponent, capable of evading it, merely a swing of its tail can topple a grown man with ease. And, though its legs can be tied down, any attempt to bind its wings should prove futile against their sheer brute strength.

By the sorceress's power, this dragon's scales are impervious to any normal blades- only the inside of its mouth, if someone dares to approach its sharp teeth and fiery breath, is vulnerable to the edge of a sword. By the design of its own master, however, who wields a whip of flame in training her creatures, a flame of great heat can melt through its scales and scald its skin beneath.

It possesses no weakness to water, or to water magic, but due to the influence of its unholy master, blessed objects and weapons can deal fair damage against it.

DISCUSSION

[dramatispersonae]

 

Re: DISCUSSION

[axeboyfriend]

....They actually went for fire breath...

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

No matter, we're fierce with the power of friendship! Also Sapphire is rather predictable, eh?

Re: DISCUSSION

[axeboyfriend]

Heh, yeah. So much for underestimating the enemy. Friendship is mightier than any blade, anyway.

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

Luckily our hero draws strength from none of the above.

SUBMISSION

[dramatispersonae]

 

Re: SUBMISSION

[badnewsboy]

The knight knew by the great shadow that there was a looming threat to his beloved Broxton. Now, he knew that the world of mortals was not perfect!—thus, he took his hammer and rushed to the scene where he would face the dragon. His face curled in terror as he saw the great beast's form rise from over the horizon! He readied his weapon, but he knew no amount of force would halt the great predator! The sorceress' spell was too strong, the scales too hard, and the prose too perfect!

Quick, he needed to think of another way!

But the knight knew his greatest weapons weren't his hammer or his physical skills. It's always been his unrelenting charm and quick ability to make friends in the unlikeliest of people that had gotten him out of the worst charms.

Well, that and one other thing... But could the power of his gas really help here?

Unfortunately for him—HE FARTED REALLY LOUD AND IT WAS TOTES EMBARRASSING! Then he looked at the dragon and said "adios, asshole!"

And then he hefted his hammer on his shoulders and grinned up at dragon.

"And now that you've broken the ice... or should I say wind...? Maybe we can talk about trying not to destroy the town. Great dragon—can I call you "great"?—I know there are some things that can be carried far! The smelly, unrelenting noise of ... shared flatulence. This ... though I have never admitted it before, I am the one who had these nefarious farts! They came from me and me alone!" and filled with such power over his confession, the knight continued. "I know you could defeat me with a single swing of your tail, beast! But hear me. I am not so great, myself. I am smelly, and I've passed the blame for my vile smell onto others.

"I would hope that you would not hold such a thing against me. Instead, I would make a pact with you. Since you know my secret, I feel a great bond forming. We could be friends, and instead of vengeance we could create BFF-ness out of our shortcomings. I, Broxton's hero, see past your ferocity and pain.

"Let's have a shaken milk together!"

And so the knight moved forward, knowing in his heart that even the mightiest of dragons may—hopefully, may I add!—be felled not by the power of the blade, but by the power of friendship, farts, and maybe even a milkshake.

Re: SUBMISSION

[dramatispersonae]

The curtains roll away to reveal the Ring once more. You may proceed to endgame.