RUBY and JASPER

[dramatispersonae]

You're on a sandbar in a shallow bay with a Ruby and Jasper canopy shielding you from the hot sun. Some distance away in the bay, you can make out another sandbar with a Sapphire and Amethyst canopy on it, but it's too far away to see any more details.

Comments

ROUND ONE

[dramatispersonae]

Lorelei stands on the edge of the sandbar, holding something in her hands. She says nothing, but she holds it up to you with a plaintive expression of earnest curiosity: what is this? Then she sets it down on the sand, gives you one last longing glance, and walks into the water. There's a splash, and she's gone.

ITEM

[dramatispersonae]

Your item is a frying pan.

DISCUSSION

[dramatispersonae]

 

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

Grand producer of crispy bacon! Flipper of pancakes!

Re: DISCUSSION

[penalizing]

...So just a cooking tool, right?

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

If you want to put it in unimaginative terms, I suppose.

Re: DISCUSSION

[penalizing]

Well, I don't think it's bad to be specific.

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

That's more vague then specific, a cooking tool could be anything.

Even an oven producing the valued cured meat covered Italian pastry!

Re: DISCUSSION

[penalizing]

...Well, then, a cooking tool used to cook bacon and pancakes?

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

A shallow-based cooking tool, generally used with copious amounts of oil, seasoned, and generally used as a producer of bacon, pancakes, and other delicious crispy foods.

Re: DISCUSSION

[penalizing]

Yeah, let's go with that. That's better.

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

Also ... hitting unsavory fellows in the face, I suppose.

Re: DISCUSSION

[penalizing]

Now that just sounds like fun.

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

Er ... a bit sadistic, hm?

Re: DISCUSSION

[penalizing]

I wouldn't want to hurt anyone...but it would be an effective threat, wouldn't it?

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

It would depend on how expertly you wielded such a weapon.

[swinging his arms around like he has a baseball bat.]

Right in the face!

Re: DISCUSSION

[penalizing]

Well, I wouldn't call myself an expert, so!

SUBMIT

[dramatispersonae]

Give a description of your item's intended purpose and proper use that is as clear, accurate, and complete as possible within forty-five minutes.

Re: SUBMIT

[badnewsboy]

A shallow-based cooking tool, generally used with copious amounts of oil, seasoned, and generally used as a producer of bacon, pancakes, and other deliciously crispy meal-like delicacies. Ah, of course, unconventionally it could also be used to hit unsavory fellows in the face—not as effective as an axe, but from its hard, iron exterior, will definitely give whomever a nasty bump! Ooch!

Re: SUBMIT

[dramatispersonae]

A wave washes over the sand, and the object you described is gone.

ROUND TWO

[dramatispersonae]

From somewhere out in the bay, Lorelei's voice suddenly rings out. "How boring! Your answers aren't interesting at all; surely there's more magic to human lands than that? Please tell me more interesting stories of these things!"

ITEM

[dramatispersonae]

Your item is a pair of rainboots. Its purpose and use has been described by Sapphire and Amethyst as follows: "It is a pair of shoes that protect your feet from water. You wear them on your feet."

DISCUSSION

[dramatispersonae]

 

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

Er, that is a boring description.

Re: DISCUSSION

[penalizing]

...Accurate, but yeah, we can probably spice it up a little.

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

I've an idea.

[uh oh.]

Re: DISCUSSION

[penalizing]

What is it?

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

What do you with this awful pair of rubber boots could be? Use your imagination! Anything, anything at all.

Re: DISCUSSION

[penalizing]

Anything? Ummm...well, if it doesn't have to be realistic, maybe they can be used to float across gaps?

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

[making a little gesture with his hand.]

.... Hooow?

Re: DISCUSSION

[penalizing]

...It could...shoot water out of the heels to push you upward? I don't know.

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

[all right, here we go, straightens his voice!]

Behold! Boots made of rubber and unicorns and possibly kryptonite! These brightly colored ... er ... soles ... may carry the wearer through the break of the omniversal barrier and into space as they mean to bridge the gap! Stronger than the might warhammer, Mjolnir, they use a mechanism of mortal science to shoot water through the heel that turns to ...

... bacon.

Re: DISCUSSION

[penalizing]

Wow, that's almost poetic. I'm impressed.

...You also really like bacon, don't you?

Re: DISCUSSION

[badnewsboy]

I'm a bit famished.

Re: DISCUSSION

[penalizing]

Hopefully you'll be able to get some breakfast afterward.

SUBMIT

[dramatispersonae]

Make up a new description of your item's intended purpose and proper use that is as ridiculous and inventive as possible within an hour and fifteen minutes. It can be a genuine alternative use or an extravagant lie, but either way, points will be awarded for creativity, convincingness, and effectiveness at refuting the original description.

Re: SUBMIT

[badnewsboy]

Behold! Boots made of rubber and unicorns and possibly kryptonite! These brightly colored ... er ... soles ... may carry the wearer through the break of the omniversal barrier and into space as they mean to bridge the gap! Stronger than the might warhammer, Mjolnir, they use a mechanism of mortal science to shoot water through the heel that turns to ...

... bacon. And dolphins. Dolphins with rainbow fins.

[think Lisa Frank.]

Re: SUBMIT

[dramatispersonae]

There's a splash, and a sandy pathway back to the Ring appears before you...