dramatispersonae | [ Game 45 ] Peridot

Do not presume to lecture me on things that you do not understand.

I would appreciate it if you altered your tone so as to not be judging us out of hand for refusing to adhere to your apparent policy of utter naive pacifism. You do not and have not experienced the things that we have; you do not know what we would do, other than what little we have said or what you have decided to assume for yourself. Should you actually be interested in having a mature conversation with us, you will be so permitted, as part of Peridot. But if you cannot adopt the necessary attitude and instead choose to lash out with your demands, then perhaps we no longer need to continue this conversation with you.

Now, would you like to ask me a question, or would you prefer to continue aggressively insinuating that Beatrice and I want nothing more than to act destructively and vindictively with no grasp of a moral compass and should therefore be summarily judged and found not worthy?

[pale and very stiff]

I apologize, your majesty, that I am unable to say things as well as you. But I am not going to apologize for who I am. F-for what little I know of who I am. For the fact that the idea of hurting people in cold blood makes me want to throw up. I suppose you think I'm weak and stupid for that. For all I know, maybe we'll finally win some memories back again and I'll become somebody you can respect. But clearly that's not the case right now.

Given that I haven't actually made a demand, I'm going to assume that you already aren't listening to what I'm saying, so there's no point in asking you a question. I don't know what kind of person you are. I do know that Beatrice likes hurting people, and I'm not exactly happy with that, but I've tried to be her friend regardless. For what that's worth.

When did I ever say that I was accepting or encouraging of killing in cold blood? Children on other teams—family on other teams, I know. I don't like it. I would avoid it if at all possible. Could I even agree to harm Rolo? I would dearly hope not to, but what would you do, what would any of us do, forced to choose between the lives of two people we care about? That is the sort of conundrum designed to ruin a man. That aside, it would do you well to cast aside the impression that anyone on any team is innocent—we all sign up to play these games, and as such are implicated. It may not be a war, and it may not be fully voluntary, but neither would I say that anything is "in cold blood."

Neither do I think you are weak for your convictions. I value that sort of feeling very highly—and were it possible, I imagine all of us would like to protect you from having to experience the sort of extremes it takes to push one to the willingness to kill.

You didn't. You just yelled at me instead of saying that it bothered you. Like you didn't care. I had no way of knowing.

I just...can't...nothing I say means anything anyway.

Day, you...!

You don't understand. None of us -- e-except Beatrice, have ever said anything about enjoying any of this! You keep saying that we're fine with hurting others, but what kind of choices do you think we're making? Do you think they're easy?

You've...done it. I don't think I could. T-that's all I...

... If you don't think you could, then-- then if we are forced to, then I'll protect you from those choices. Of course you matter... And your feelings on this matter! Someone as kind as you should never be told to give up on his kindness. But please, there's... a great kindness in these people too. Please don't dismiss them like that. Saying something like that to Ariel was cruel of you!

[that last thing has just stunned him into silence]

... Day... just because the world can be unkind doesn't mean everyone in it is. I know it could seem that way. But-- everyone is trying, I promise. The other teams are trying too. Please listen to them, and... we're listening to you too.

This team is your home. We're... I at least am already very stained, it's true. But I'll do everything I can to protect you and your kindness, if-- you allow it.

Edited 2011-06-29 03:13 (UTC)

I didn't mean to hurt you guys...I didn't...I'm sorry...

... It's alright. We knew-- this would be hard to even talk about, let alone confront. We didn't want to hurt you either.

Edited 2011-06-29 03:29 (UTC)

[. . . deep breath, count to three]

[stepping a little closer, holding one hand out, palm up]

. . . I'm sorry. I was too defensive. I forget, sometimes, that not everyone is equipped to deal with that—generally, I don't particularly care. But I do care about what you think. However, don't you think that it hurts us as well, to have our own feelings or decisions rejected or dismissed so thoroughly, as if repulsive?

We are not criminals. We are perhaps strange, or jaded, or . . . well, Beatrice. But we are also not cruel. And the most important thing to us is to protect each other—not to win. Certainly, we do have different personalities, and different conceptions as to the lengths we would each personally go. But we are also capable of holding ourselves in check for the betterment of the team. Does that make a little more sense to you?

[takes your hand]

I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean...I can't...

[. . . tugs him closer, very lightly, voice softened now, a totally different tone]

You are just fine the way you are. But will you still accept us the way we are—? I do not mean approve of what we do . . . but understand that there is more to us than that?

[since he's closer, you can probably tell that he's shaking]

I do...I swear I do...even though Beatrice hurt Roxas, she's still...I'm still...I'm sorry...

[. . . unsure about hugs still. putting a hand on Ven's head, lightly, hhhalf drawing him into a hug. still talking very gently]

Apology accepted, under the conditions that you are apologizing for your actions that have hurt others, and not for having the feelings that you do.

In any case, we have delayed long enough, I think. Are you well enough that we can try to come to some sort of answer for the Persona—?

[what Lelouch is hugging me what why hug back]

T-that's what I'm sorry for...I...thank you.

I don't know if...I don't know how to come to an answer.

Well, luckily for you, I am much better at words and ideas than I am at not terrorizing people into a state of some distress.

I believe the best consensus we have approached would be a combination of Cassie's and Gilbert's feelings—and the rest of our desires as well. That in any game, we strive to win, both because we are prideful and ambitious, but also because this empowers us to protect that which we want to protect. We play in games with all our strength, and dependent on the team members playing at the time, are typically unafraid to take any measures to win, without hesitation. However, it is dependent on who is playing: more importantly than anything, we are striving to protect what is important to us, and so making any action in a game that would result in the loss of Peridot, or the deterioration of the team's heart—our feelings towards each other and towards ourselves, be it family or pride or self-worth, is the line that we will not cross.

[...hah]

I'll agree... to that answer.

[nods]

...

I think you said that very well.

[manages a smile]

That's...a really good answer.

[ Game 45 ] Peridot

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