dramatispersonae | SAPPHIRE

SAPPHIRE

INSTRUCTIONS

Each round you will be given a scenario and a task to accomplish. Assume any items you need to accomplish the task are present in the room. Your goal is to fail to accomplish this task, as elaborately and creatively as possible while still ostensibly trying to accomplish it. Do not ICly discuss and plan what you're going to do in each round. Just jump right in. Ping Raven when you need a new round.

This is a loser game, so the losers win, but there will be prizes for the teams that fail most creatively!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You understand the premise above, but at this point your room is empty. You can do any meet-and-greet or general discussion here before the scenarios begin.

You are a suburban family attempting to prepare, serve and consume a simple spaghetti dinner.

The following unrelated objects are present as well:
a 1" ball of beeswax
one of those spray-nozzles you stick on a garden hose
a wooden spoon
a hand trowel
a stuffed snake
Time Life magazine, August
a buffalo nickel
a pushpin
a box of blue-tip matchsticks
$7.63 entirely in pennies

Ehhh...

[lights a match]

[ wow this is a stupid game. fuck it, let's light this magazine on fire. ]

[throws in the spoon and hand trowel too]

For the record, I don't know what spaghetti is.

[ the snake's going in there, too. goodnight, snake. ]

It's a pasta dish. We're going to need to burn the table too if we want enough fire to boil water with.

Oh.

Well, let's light it up, then.

[ maybe this won't be so bad after all. ]

I'll get the pot ready meanwhile.

[ ...dragging the table towards the fire. this is obviously a really great idea. ]

It'd be better if we could chop it up first...

[ but whatever, planting one table leg in the fire. it's about to get hot in herre. ]

I can do that!

[SPRAY NOZZLE BLUDGEON + SUPER STRENGTH = SMASHED BITS OF BURNING TABLE ALL OVER THE PLACE]

Edited 2014-07-11 02:58 (UTC)

[ ...well. okay, then. ]

Shit, where did that come from?

I have special skills.

I see that.

[ glancing around at the new, fiery mess. ]

You're gonna have to use some of that water to put these out. Unless picking up things that are on fire without getting burned is also one of your skills.

We can put it out after the spaghetti is done.

[ but... mess... ]

Fine. Just be careful walking around.

[ pause. then, suspiciously: ]

Any idea where that water came from?

No idea.

[ADDS THE PENNIES AND THE NICKEL TO THE WATER. FOR FLAVOR.]

Don't we have to eat this afterwards?

Edited (lol html) 2014-07-11 03:32 (UTC)

Yes.

Good thing the point of this game is to fail. I'm not eating that.

That's okay.

[i can eat it]

[with my hands]

[MAKING EYE CONTACT THE WHOLE TIME]

[ oh. this is awkward. can't even watch. make it stop please. ]

[8)))))]

Next round?

Gladly.

You are on an exciting outdoor adventure with your friends and/or family! The sun will set soon, and you need to pitch a tent and otherwise set up your campsite before it is too dark to see.

The following unrelated objects are present as well:
a drinking horn
a glue stick
a pair a black lacquered chopsticks
a wooden spoon
two glass marbles
an unmade bed
a bottle of wine
$7.63 entirely in pennies
a pair of nail clippers
a single shoe

[WINE --> DRINKING HORN]

[ grabs the tent fabric and throws it on top of the bed ]

Done.

Efficient.

[looting the pennies and the nail clippers. and the chopsticks. mine now.]

[ takes the shoe and the glue stick and glues the shoe to the floor. why not, right? ]

Good idea.

You are office workers receiving a shipment of documents in the mail! You need to sign for the packages, open them, and put the contents away in your filing cabinets.

The following unrelated objects are present as well:
glow in the dark stickers -- zoo animals
a single tomato
a plastic spork
two pieces of bubblegum
a crocheted pot holder
a dish towel
a bright pink pinwheel
a box of blue-tip matchsticks
three gallon-size ziploc bags
a tiffany desk lamp

[......................... lights another match]

You've got some issues, don't you?

[ grabbing a package and stabbing it repeatedly with the spork ]

Says the guy stabbing a package.

[light the dishtowel on fire]

I'm opening it. Creatively.

You're just lighting shit on fire again.

I'm preparing to file the unimportant documents. Do YOU see a shredder?

Edited 2014-07-11 04:19 (UTC)

[ what's a shredder. but whatever, point taken. ]

Can you not just admit you like to set things on fire?

It's okay, but not I'm not a pyro.

[EVERYTHING ELSE FLAMMABLE into the fire. except the potholder.]

[ satisfied with the stabbing the current package has now taken, he takes the contents out and tosses the empty box into the fire. then it's onto the next package for more stabbing. ]

[tends the fire, using the potholder to shift the box around and throw in whatever papers he doesn't understand the legalese on]

Edited 2014-07-11 04:43 (UTC)

[ yanks out one of the file cabinet drawers, half-assedly tosses the box contents in it, and then puts it upside down on the floor. perfection. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

SAPPHIRE

ENTERING THE ROOM

ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

ROUND 2

Re: ROUND 2

Re: ROUND 2

Re: ROUND 2

Re: ROUND 2

Re: ROUND 2

ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3