dramatispersonae

KUNZITE

INSTRUCTIONS

Each round you will be given a scenario and a task to accomplish. Assume any items you need to accomplish the task are present in the room. Your goal is to fail to accomplish this task, as elaborately and creatively as possible while still ostensibly trying to accomplish it. Do not ICly discuss and plan what you're going to do in each round. Just jump right in. Ping Raven when you need a new round.

This is a loser game, so the losers win, but there will be prizes for the teams that fail most creatively!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You understand the premise above, but at this point your room is empty. You can do any meet-and-greet or general discussion here before the scenarios begin.

I see what he means now.

Hmm? Do you?

Sort of, yes. Just something he said.

Anyway, the name's Barnaby. Let's try our... best.

Oh! Hello again...

... Is 'best' really the best thing to say in this kind of game, though? We try our best to fail?

Let's do our best at being the worst?

Mm! We can do it!

[nods]

You are a suburban family attempting to prepare, serve and consume a simple spaghetti dinner.

The following unrelated objects are present as well:
an iphone
a zippo brand lighter
a single tomato
a pair a black lacquered chopsticks
a universal remote
half a loaf of sourdough bread
three AAA batteries
a sterling silver fork
a sofa, fit for three family members or one very greedy one
a single shoe

[... I want to eat the tomato though.]

We probably wouldn't be able to make spaghetti if I ate the tomato, would we...

Probably not. Would you like to start the fire?

[stares at the tomato]

I'll... start the sauce.

[Grabbing the fork and the chopsticks]

[um.]

Could you help me get some of the couch so that I can set it on fire?

Silly, the couch is for sitting.

I meant the stove.

[Okay, I guess I will go find a knife to cut this tomato. And does so by smushing the tomato onto the chopping board.]

Oh no, look how terribly chopped this tomato is.

Oh! Well, I thought this could help it be... um. Warmer?

And oh no, our spaghetti may be ruined just from that tomato!

I know, how tragic. Could you check on the spaghetti?

Of course.

[GOING TO DO SO ... and then "accidentally" dropping the iphone in.]

—Oh no! I ruined it!

[And running over to check and tripping on that solitary shoe, tossing said fork in the air hard enough to hit the ceiling and stay stuck there.]

However are we going to eat the spaghetti now? Oh I do wish we had something to fish out that... uhm. Phone.

[TRYING TO USE THE UNIVERSAL REMOTE TO GET IT OUT?? No that's stupid but it's not working.]

I ... I don't know. The universal remote isn't going to work.

Well don't stick your fingers in the boiling water.

Just dump it in the sink and fish the rest of the noodles out?

I guess so ...

It may be the only way to save this.

[GOING TO GO DUMP IT OUT... and our noodles go down the drain.]

W-well.

[just getting what he can with those laquered chopsticks]

[.. hm.]

We don't have enough for all of us.

Isn't that tragic. Well, this is what we get for trying to make our own dinner.

You are on an exciting outdoor adventure with your friends and/or family! The sun will set soon, and you need to pitch a tent and otherwise set up your campsite before it is too dark to see.

The following unrelated objects are present as well:
a pad of sticky notes
4 pinecones
three AAA batteries
a canvas tote bag
a pair a black lacquered chopsticks
an iphone
a broom
a cork coaster
a bottle of wine
a plastic spork

[Attempting to pitch the tent and using the broom as the frame in the middle and failing]

Oh, I wish there was an easier way.

I don't think there is ...

Oh, we could throw it over a tree branch! We can keep it from blowing away with the spork and chopsticks.

Clearly this is what we get for not reading the instructions for putting up tents.

Hmm... would the pinecones help any?

Give it a try?

What about the tote bag? Could we find a way to use that?

I... guess... you could... collect firewood?

Alright!

[Just gonna place the pinecones on each corner of the tent! Who knows what she's aiming to accomplish.]

[meanwhile I am just giving myself a headache dropping the broom constantly over and over again]

You are office workers receiving a shipment of documents in the mail! You need to sign for the packages, open them, and put the contents away in your filing cabinets.

The following unrelated objects are present as well:
a box of blue-tip matchsticks
a pair a black lacquered chopsticks
a lint roller
a single shoe
a pushpin
a buffalo nickel
a pair of nail clippers
a 1" ball of beeswax
a 15" length of cotton string
a tiffany desk lamp

Edited 2014-07-11 03:54 (UTC)

[just staring at these things and the boxes and sighing]

[tripping over a stack of packages as she goes to sign for them]

Clearly there is no better tool to open a cardboard box than with these nail clippers and my own strength, wrestling with the tape.

You could use the chopsticks as a spacer to make it easier, too.

Of course, how ingenious.

These aren't very useful things.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

KUNZITE

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