dramatispersonae

JASPER

INSTRUCTIONS

Each round you will be given a scenario and a task to accomplish. Assume any items you need to accomplish the task are present in the room. Your goal is to fail to accomplish this task, as elaborately and creatively as possible while still ostensibly trying to accomplish it. Do not ICly discuss and plan what you're going to do in each round. Just jump right in. Ping Raven when you need a new round.

This is a loser game, so the losers win, but there will be prizes for the teams that fail most creatively!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You understand the premise above, but at this point your room is empty. You can do any meet-and-greet or general discussion here before the scenarios begin.

...Really? That's what we're supposed to do?

[...Yes, that is her talking. Out loud. She doesn't seem to have noticed, though.]

I have to assume that you're more "talented" at failing than I am.

Don't like the way you put that, but... Probably? We just have to figure out ways to be dramatic about it, right?

It's highly distasteful... but yes, there must be some way to make it tolerable...

[SUCCESS IS FAILURE

FAILURE IS SUCCESS

I'M GOING TO FAIL AT FAILING]

You are a suburban family attempting to prepare, serve and consume a simple spaghetti dinner.

The following unrelated objects are present as well:
a bottle of wine
a pushpin
an iphone
a wooden spoon
a pair of aviator sunglasses
an ash tray
a buffalo nickel
a canvas tote bag
glow in the dark stickers -- zoo animals
a box of rainbow-striped birthday candles

I could sleep.

Go ahead. Star can make it anyways.

Don't be surprised if you find yourself in the pot.

Nonsense. Killing each other is an accepted family activity; you might do better to try to keep me alive.

Of course.

[...places the aviator sunglasses on his kitty face.]

Now at least no one can tell if you're uselessly asleep.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

[leaves them there]

[TAKES A PICTURE WITH THE IPHONE]

[Now then, for starters... the wine seems to be the place to start. Mixing some of that wine with the spaghetti sauce...

Hm. That might actually be good.]

Edited 2014-07-11 02:29 (UTC)

...I suppose we should probably have a meat sauce.

[peeling off the zoo animal stickers one by one to offer them out]

If we're going that way, we should add some buffalo, too. Seems like it has more substance, too.

[Taking the animal sticker, though... Hm. Let's see... Let's mix all of these into the ashtray for now?]

Of course. We can put that in as well. ...I'll put on the noodles, I suppose.

[after handing over the rest of the stickers. shit I gotta figure out how to fuck this up creatively so it doesn't become really obvious I can't even do that IT WILL BE TOTALLY ON PURPOSE

lighting... the candles. and then just putting those in a pot with the noodles

perfect]

Got it. Let's do our best! Worst. Whatever!

[Then, mixing in the buffalo nickel, and I am seriously mixing all of this stuff in an ashtray until the stickers start to lose their consistency and fall apart from being doused in wine and spaghetti sauce and being mixed with a wooden spoon.]

[...pouring some water into the pot before the noodles burn to a crisp, dousing the candles]

Are you going until it's a purée?

Well, if you're doing meat sauce, wouldn't ground meat be best? Think it's ready now, though.

That's true. It's probably fine now then.

[...I'll let you do the honors here]

[Then... Time to pour this onto the spaghetti, and heat it up! With the candles still inside, yes.]

[this is a goddamn travesty

calling out monotonously]

Mogget, dinner's almost ready.

You are on an exciting outdoor adventure with your friends and/or family! The sun will set soon, and you need to pitch a tent and otherwise set up your campsite before it is too dark to see.

The following unrelated objects are present as well:
a buffalo nickel
a half-eaten bar of dark chocolate
$7.63 entirely in pennies
a cork coaster
a plastic spork
a stuffed snake
an ornamental letter opener
three AAA batteries
a bug zapper
two tapered candles

[...I'm not sure how to pitch a tent normally, but I have an idea already... Trying to hammer one of the pegs down... into the stuffed snake... Which probably causes the thing to bounce from Star hitting it hard. Oh noes! I have angered the angry snake! Whatever shall we do?!]

This would be a good time to have any teammates with hunting instincts step in...

[but whatever

stepping on the stuffed snake and cutting its head off with the letter opener

surVIIIIVAL]

[You are so awesome, Togami. You totally took out a vicious snake for me. I am so, so happy.]

Maybe we should do something about the bugs too, though. This thing's supposed to help with that, right?

[Pointing to the bug zapper.]

You use them like mosquito coils, right?

...Perhaps?

[POSSIBLY DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS.]

Well. Yes. If you like, you can set that up while I try and handle the tent.

Got it! Star'll leave that to you!

[And uh. Try to set the bug zapper on fire with the candles. This is a terrible idea, but who knows?]

[if it's a terrible idea, that means it's currently a GREAT idea

okay tent, you motherfucker, you're going down

once again I have to figure out how to disguise the fact that I could not easily do this if I tried. SPREADING OUT THE... BOTTOM SHEET... ok we have one snake-peg over here, so this one can be a spork-peg I guess]

You are office workers receiving a shipment of documents in the mail! You need to sign for the packages, open them, and put the contents away in your filing cabinets.

The following unrelated objects are present as well:
half a loaf of sourdough bread
4 pinecones
a stuffed snake
a single shoe
two pieces of bubblegum
a crocheted pot holder
a pillow
a drinking horn
a mason jar
a reusable tote bag

[OH MAN I ACTUALLY HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH THIS

he signs for the packages automatically, sets them down, pauses. shit that was all very normal

...opening a box and turning it over so the contents spill out onto the floor. step 1]

[...Well, I'll leave this to your judgment, then.]

...Start organizing these papers. You can put forms that are fully filled out in the bag. Put forms missing information in the mason jar.

[sorry my business experience is actually mostly bossing people around

CHEWING SOME BUBBLE GUM.]

Got it!

[Salute! And getting to work on what you have asked me to do. I hope you weren't hoping for actual organization though, since in case you haven't noticed, I am super disorganized.]

[well NOW I notice but that just means I assigned the job to the right person for our specific purposes!!

opening the other boxes while he is here.]

[a cat is in one of the boxes and attempts to halfheartedly savage his face for opening it]

[slkdfjs GODDAMMIT

sealing the box back up by trying to close it with the bubblegum. your move kitty cat]

[rolls the box over. SUSPICIOUS SILENCE]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

JASPER

ENTERING THE ROOM

Re: ENTERING THE ROOM

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

Re: ROUND 1

ROUND 2

Re: ROUND 2

Re: ROUND 2

Re: ROUND 2

Re: ROUND 2

Re: ROUND 2

Re: ROUND 2

ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3

Re: ROUND 3